sadaoru (sadaoru) wrote in kattunlove,
sadaoru
sadaoru
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Old Fanfic Time...

Title: "Winter..."
Author: sadaoru
Pairing: Maru X Ueda [Maruda]
Genre: angst/fluff [weird combo]
Rating: PG-13...I'm guessing...
Flame?: NO!!! I can't handle it! >,<
Summary: Maru finds Ueda in the snow along with several other things...
A.N: This was written to the song "Love in Snow" by Ueda...Writing style is a little different but I like to think its artistic...So Please enjoy!





I stood out in the crisp air...
the sound of cars rolling carefully over the slick ground...
heard in the distance....
My favorite season....
Winter....
tilted my head back...
inhaled long and deep...
The cold air stinging my lungs....
I finally exhaled...
a large transparent cloud left my lips...
the small flakes of snow floated down to me and pooled around my ankles...
I reached out above my head...
my fingers stretched towards the clouds....
white flakes caught against the back of my hand....
My eyes searched the black sky above me....
as if waiting for it to answer my questions...
Why did I have to feel like this?....
The other person was bound to reject me...
After all he was of the same sex...
I always said that love shouldn't be based on one's gender...
If I fell in love then I would be in love...
and it wouldn't matter, but in this case it did....
Knowing well that he liked women...
I turned my gaze towards the untouched snow...
My bare feet numb...
the snow now up over my ankles....
my white shirt glowing brightly with the white snow...
the collar too big as one side slid off my shoulder and down my arm...
exposing my left shoulder blade to the cold air...
Why did it have to be like this?!...
Why did it have to be him?!....
a familiar sting in my eyes...
tears began to slide down my cheeks...
The cool breeze...
turning them from hot to cold...
Even in the state I was in...
"I want to see you," I called out to no one...
I would pretend like everything is okay between us as usual but...
I want to see....
Him.....

~*~

I turned the door knob....
His apartment was dark and quiet...
a few candles sat on the living room table....
One thing I always loved about Ueda's home...
it was so sophisticated...
black leather sofa, plush rugs, beautiful artwork all over the walls...
I always wondered if some of it was his...
"Ueda..?!"
I called out only to hear it echo back...
a cold breeze against my face...
I began to wonder why...
I let myself in through the door into his apartment...
I closed the door quietly waiting to hear the click...
His apartment on the first floor....
a fear of heights having influence on his choice..
his grand piano caught the corner of my eye...
I walked over to it....
the pages turned quickly all by themselves....
a few loose sheets scattered on the floor...
candles on the piano's ledge having gone out long ago....
I turned my gaze to see where the frigid breeze was coming from...
the long wine coloured sheer curtains floated out to me...
as if trying to pull me closer....
I walked over to the large, floor to ceiling, windows....
I gazed out into the courtyard that was attached to Ueda's flat...
Then I saw him...
but I didn't speak out...
content just watching him....
His body sideways in my view...
his fingers stretched out towards the sky...
a soft but sad look on his face...
Snowflakes attached to his eyelashes...
the glare of the white snow attaching to his white shirt made the lights from the street bounce off of him...
his hair drifted around his face...
The large white flakes caught in jet black strands...
cheeks a soft pink...
his shirt falling off his shoulder...
He began to mouth something out...
My eyes were transfixed on his lips...
The lips that always seemed to pout even when he wasn't...
It was the one feature of Ueda's that would always have me fixed in a stare...
when he spoke, sang, smiled, or tucked into his mouth when he was nervous...
and I would always feel cheated when he did that...
My eyes wandered over his body...
the snow inches above his ankles...
but no tracks to where he was standing...
he must have been out there for a long time...
And without a jacket?!..
A sudden pain hit my chest as I became concerned...
His hand dropped back to his side where he tugged at the hem of his shirt...
his head hung down....
shoulders tensed up and began to shake...
"Ueda..." I called out again...
but to no avail...
His hand reached up and covered his beautiful face...
as he crouched down and placed his face against his knees...
the small clouds of his breath more rapid...
his back raising and falling quicker...
another pain shot right through my chest...
"UEDA!"
His eyes finally met mine...
slightly startled and the tears obvious...
his lips red from the cold and from him chewing on them...
a small "hic" escaped his mouth...
the worried expression plastered all over my face...
I walked over to him in my sock feet..
the loud crunch from my body on the light powder...
I let out a harsh breath...
another "hic" came from his throat as he turned away from my heavy gaze...
"Ueda..." I said more softly this time...
he didn't respond...
I nodded knowing there was something wrong...
crouched down beside him and reached out to his hand...
I grabbed it tightly and slung it around my shoulder to help him up...
he kept his head low and turned away from me...
we walked through his apartment to his bedroom...
I looked down...
his feet red with tiny white splotches...
"Frostbite?" I questioned myself in my head...
I sat him gently down onto his bed...
knowing he was in no shape to have a conversation....
I grabbed a random towel from his closet to wrap around his feet...
"What were you doing out there?! With no jacket!?" my voice sounded more angry then concerned...
his face still pointed downwards...
He averted his eyes in order not to answer...
his hair falling slightly forward...
the long earring in his left ear tangled with the stray black strands...
My hand took life on its own and cupped his right cheek...
his face frozen...
"Ueda..." I said softly...
He closed his eyes as his eyebrows etched together...
"Such a pained expression...how about you get some sleep..." I spoke in the most gentle tone I had ever used in years...
I stood up and tugged down the sheets from under him...
walked back around to face him...
I placed my hands on his shoulders and began to softly place his back against the bed...
"Maru!" he grabbed my wrist tightly...
another "hic" echoed loudly throughout the room...
his eyes finally met mine...
so much pain and confusion present...
"Don't leave!" he called out...
he tucked his lips into his mouth as if he's said something wrong....
"Okay...I won't...." a smile slightly crept onto my face...
Secretly I loved it when he called me Maru...
Everyone else called me by my name or "Yuu-chan "...
but Ueda always used "Maru"...
I turned my back to him and sat on the floor and leaned against his bed...
waiting till he fell asleep to make my exit...
whatever was bothering him needed to be thought about on his own...
I turned out the side table light...
a small one in the corner came on...
"A night-light? " I thought, a smile creeping across my face....
I stared at the dresser that was in front of me...
the dark rich cherry wood with carvings of intricate details...
I began to hear his soft breaths...
the sheets shifting slightly...
I closed my own eyes....
beginning to give into the intoxicating atmosphere...
~*~

"Maru..." he smiled up at me...
all I wanted was to see was his smile...
"No more tears...okay.." I said softly placing a soft kiss to his forehead...
my body on top of his...
his small frame under mine...
he cupped my cheek softly and then slid it into my hair...
pressing my head down to him...
my lips meeting his...
soft and so full...
his mouth opened to allow my entrance....
tracing his lower lip with my tongue before I claimed him...
a soft moan released from his throat...
A tap on my shoulder...
"Huh?!" I think...
A slightly harder tap...
My eyes open....
heavy and tired....
My dream suddenly interrupted as I felt short soft breaths against my neck....
turning my head slowly to where Ueda was on the bed...
only to meet his dark almond shaped eyes...
"Ma...ru..." he sniffled..."I'm...cold..."
the pain in my groin almost tripled from his voice...
"And you...must be uncomfortable...on the floor..." He spoke cautiously...
a good guess, my back and behind were killing me...
"Okay...I'll go out to the couch.." I replied smiling softly....
Thanking god that the room was almost dark due to the "pants situation"....
I turned only to feel a soft tug on my wrist...
looking over my shoulder to see Udea propped up on his elbow arm out-reached to mine...
"You can...stay here....not like....we're not...adults.." He spoke hesitantly again...
True...we were both in our twenties, there was no reason to act immaturely....
However, the lower half of me protested...
I begin to slide off my jacket and place it on the chair next to his bed...
slowly sitting down on the unknown territory...
the stiffness present in my shoulders and other places...
"Maru?" Ueda spoke softly but also sounded uncertain...
I clenched my eyes tightly together....
Why did he have to be blessed with that voice!?...
turning slightly....
"Come on...it's cold" His voice deep....
I looked over what I could see carefully....
the black jogging pants rolled down at the hem a few times...
the lines to his pelvic bones showing...
and a tight white tank top hugging his torso stopping well before the hem of his pants...
He held up the heavy dark duvet cover....
inviting me in....
My head groaned in protest....
But then again it wasn't like he was planning to "cuddle" me or anything....
I lay down and face him...
"You...okay now Ueda....Are you warm enough now?"
My voice sounded raw with its own emotions...
his eyelids slowly blinking....
heavy with sleep....
"Un...." he nodded slightly with a reply...
one arm up under his head...
his eyes closed this time for good...
the small night-light illuminated his face perfectly...
He was a very beautiful man...
sadly, he didn't know how beautiful...
I loved the new Ueda....
The one I knew at the beginning of KAT-TUN was like another person compared to this Ueda....
The first Ueda was distant and almost tried too hard to be like his idols....
then slowly he began opening up to all of us one at a time....
first it was Kame, then Jin....
I was last...
The "new" Ueda was emotional...
showed it too....
he talked softer, began playing the piano, danced more gracefully, and smiled more....
I loved his smile...
it was the most refreshing thing I would see each day at work...
My eyes returned to Ueda's soft features...
a few black strands hanging in front of his eyes...
I tucked them behind his ear...
letting my fingers slide over his neck to rest there...
feeling his pulse through my hand...
"What made you so sad Ueda..." I thought aloud this time....
My body moving on its own accord...
I felt the need to hug him...
keep him safe...
protect him so that nothing will hurt him again like this...
I leaned in, knowing he was asleep....
pressing my forehead to his...
my fingers still spread across his neck, my thumb softly stroking along his earlobe...
causing his long earring to move with each touch.....
a soft whimper left his mouth...
his body naturally reacted....
coming in closer....
his legs sliding over and in between my own...
my eyes widened slightly....
the sound of my own heart about to explode loud in my ears....
and if it wasn't so distracted I would have noticed his pulse quickening as well...
his head cleanly fit under my chin...
eyelashes slightly tickling my adams apple...
his lips pressed softly against my collar bone...
chest and hips firmly against mine...
his breathing slowed down and began to deepen....
"Maruuuu..." a soft whimper escaped him as his lips brushed my collarbone...
the pain in my belly now unavoidable....
"Udea..." I softly called out to try and wake him...
"Maruuu..." It almost sounded painful "Stay with me..."
I closed my eyes tightly....
my heart pounded the hardest it ever had in my life....
"Maruuuu..." another soft whimper sounding more breathless this time...
I honestly had to think what Ueda was dreaming about...
but suddenly felt the answer against the inside of my leg...
My eyes shot open....
his soft heavy breaths against my skin...
a soft moan exited from his mouth....
I bit my own lower lip to restrain the urge to ravish the former leader right here...
I pulled my head away from the top of his and looked down...
his cheeks had taken on a dark hue...
his eyebrows drawn together tightly...
lips slightly parted...
the soft short gasps tickling my face...
my hand slid back into his hair...
lips burning to kiss his....
his eyes began to softly flutter...
a mere inch separating our faces as his eyes, clouded over with his dream, opened slowly...
feeling our bodies close together...
reacting to each other..
his eyes lifted to mine searching them...
as if awaiting an answer to why we were in this position...
all conscience thoughts had stopped for me a long time ago....
my own eyes began to search his eyes and face...
I felt myself lean in hesitantly...
His eyes still searching mine...
but something had changed....
something more was there almost pulling me in...
the heat intoxicating around us....
my hand comes up to his left cheek...
His eyes closing, leaning into the caress...
"Ueda..." his name rolled off my lips in a soft whisper...
he breathed in sharply, holding it...
I turned his cheek for him to face me...
my lips met his in a soft chaste kiss...
what sounded like a small squeak came from the back of his throat...
He tasted sweet and salty all at the same time...
I felt my chest pound harder....
his lips even better then I had fantasized about...
tugged my lips away from his to breathe...
our lips still brushing against each others as out breath mixed together....
"M...Maru..." the "ru" causing his lower lip to slide under my own...
I pressed my lips to his again...
my hand slid up into his hair, my other hand encircled his small waist...
pressing his body against mine which seemed to fit so well...
my hand splayed over the small of his back....
his own hand reaching into my hair...
tugging my lips harder to his...
his chest raised to press against mine...
the heat built up in the pit of my stomach...
as Ueda breaks our kiss and tilts his head back to breathe...
my lips caught his skin...
placed small soft kisses along his throat and over his adam's apple...
my kisses slow and soft...
I wanted to be careful with him...
my tongue flicked out over his collarbone...
Causing his back to arch...
our contract forbade us to date or have sex...
but at this point...
rules where meant to be broken...
I looked up at the dream before me...
his head tilted to the side...
teeth chewing hard on his lower lip to keep himself silent....
his fingers tightened their grip on my hair...
my hand moved from the small of his back only to slide over his hips and to his waist...
"Maaarruu..." A whimper finally drew me reluctantly back to reality...
his face flushed, his chest heavily moving with each pant..
I lifted my head from his neck...
my eyes met his...
our panting echoing throughout the room....
"G...gomen..." I barely spoke out only to see a small shake of his head...
"No..Maru...just....let's take this slowly..." he smiled genuinely at me....
Implying there would be more to us but at a later time....
both our pulses returned to normal...
the heat still present between us...
his body curled into mine...
My arms wrapped around his waist tugging him closer...
sleep was pulling me in....
I closed my eyes, knowing sleep would come quickly...
Knowing that things would never be the same between us...
they would be better.....

~*~

I looked out the large windows from my living room...
music sheets still scattered across the room...
the white sheet wrapped around my body to shield me from the cold...
I looked over the trees, now, filled with snow...
my eyes turned to the ground...
seeing a slight imprint of our feet from the night before...
a smile creeping my way onto my lips...
my index finger reaching up to brush against them....
suddenly, I felt arms wrap around my waist from behind....
A soft grunt came from his throat...
his cheek resting against my head, nuzzling into my hair...
my fingers danced over his as he let out a deep sigh...
"Kanawanai koi da toshitemo..kimi ga suki desu...aitai....aitai....soredake wo nozomimasu "
I softly sang out as I looked up....
Only to see that the snow has finally ceased...


~*~sadaoru~*~
Tags: fanfiction: masterlists
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